Draco and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Day
by DangerMouse
Summary: Whole title: "Draco Malfoy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." A parody of the old children's book. Draco isn't having a very good day...


Draco Malfoy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. 

Written by: DangerMouse

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Adapted from 

"Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" 

by Judith Viorst

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on my broomstick and by mistake I dropped my robes in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast Vincent got fresh raspberries and cream in his oatmeal and Gregory got cinnamon apple slices in his oatmeal but in my oatmeal all I got was oatmeal.

I think I'll move to Bulgaria.

In History class Professor Binns let Terry Boot have a seat by the window. Mandy Brocklehurst and Lisa Turpin got seats by the window too. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smushed. I said, if I don't get a seat by the window I am going to have a claustrophobic episode. No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

In Astronomy class Professor Sinistra said she liked Blaise Zabini's star chart better than my star chart.

In Herbology Professor Sprout said I watered my plant too much. In Arithmancy Professor Vector said I left out a variable. Who needs that variable?

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because Marcus Flint and I got in a fight and he said he wasn't sure he wanted me on the Quidditch team any more. He said we needed to beat Harry Potter and Pansy Parkinson or Millicent Bulstrode could be better seekers than me.

I hope you get kicked by a centaur, I said to Marcus. I hope the next time you get on your broomstick a bludger flies by and knocks your ass all the way to Bulgaria.

There were two packages of sweets owled in by Blaise's mother at lunch and Vincent got a package of chocolate bars with almonds and Gregory got a package of jelly rolls that had little chocolate sprinkles on the top. Guess whose mother forgot to owl him a package?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because after lunch I was going through my bookbag and got bitten by a spider and I had to go to the hospital wing and Madame Pompfrey just glared at me. Come back tomorrow and I'll fix it if it's not better, said Madame Pompfrey.

Tomorrow, I said, I'm going to Bulgaria.

On the way to Care of Magical Creatures I tripped on a rock and twisted my foot and while we were waiting for Hagrid to bring over his monsters Ron Weasley made me fall where it was muddy and then when I got mad because of the mud Weasley said I was a sissy and while I was punching Weasley for saying sissy Hagrid came back with his monsters and gave me a detention for being muddy and fighting.

I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then Vincent, Greg, and I sneaked out to Honeydukes to buy some candy. Vincent chose Pumpkin Pasties with vanilla cream on top. Gregory chose Licorice Wands and Cauldron Cakes. I chose Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans but then the shopkeeper said, We're all sold out. He made me buy plain old muggle ones, but they can't make me eat them.

When I went to go serve my detention with Filch at his office he said I couldn't mess with his torture devices but I forgot. He also said to watch out for the scrolls on his desk, and I was careful as could be except for my elbow. He also said don't fool around with his cat, but I think I apparated her to Bulgaria. Filch gave me three more detentions but said he wouldn't handle my detentions any more.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There were brussel sprouts for dinner and I hate brussel sprouts.

The Weird Sisters were playing on the music orb and I hate the Weird Sisters.

My shower was ice cold, I got soap in my eyes, the house elves were behind on the laundry, and I had to wear my flapping snitch pajamas and I hate my flapping snitch pajamas.

When I went to bed Greg took back the pillow he said I could keep and the glow box by my bed went out and I broke my favorite quill.

My cat wants to sleep with Vincent, not with me.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Professor Snape says some days are like that.

Even in Bulgaria.

****

The End

A/N: I know there are a distinct lack of commas in this story, but that's how the style was in the original book, so I kept it. R&R if you like! Thanks! 


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